My Experience as a Woman in Physics
I completed my secondary education at an all girls school. As young women we were empowered to pursue any subject we desired. It wasn’t until I was in my college classroom that I realised as a female, I was a minority on my physics course. I was one of two girls in a class of twenty-five. I never expected this to have a profound impact on my studies or how I present myself. But upon reflection, as a 2nd year Physics undergraduate student, I realise I was wrong.
My teachers at school had always been female which changed as soon as I hit College. At my local college I was never taught by a woman. Both The Maths and Physics department were 100% male, leaving me with no relatable role models. I was top of my class consistently, yet was not picked to attend the Physics Olympiad (an annual Physics competition recognising excellence in young Physicists). On the competition day I had to sit in the classroom while my male peers were given an opportunity which I was overlooked for, despite regularly achieving higher marks. Some of my male peers were confused saying “it must not be the smart people doing it as Freya is still here”, even they could see I should have been chosen. Upon reflection, I regret not confronting my teacher to request I attend the Olympiad, and ask why my male peers were chosen over me. However, I know I would have been met with lies to excuse his decision.
At university I am fortunate to now have strong female role models in the form of lecturers. They are leading experts in their field and are inspirational to my peers and I. I have great respect for these women. So I was disgusted by an incident which occurred on a group chat for my year; a sexist comment was made about one of them. I was distraught to see young men degrading my lecturer based purely on her gender. I called this behaviour out, and was surprised to see support from both female and male peers. However, I did not respond to this message until a few hours had passed, after 70+ people had read it. This begs the question, why was it left up to me to question it? Why did no men raise their voice to stop such blatant misogyny?
In first year I was keen to make friends on my course, to sit and discuss work with. With the course being around ¼ female, I attempted to make more male friends. I faced many instances of men mistaking my friendship for attraction with them becoming upset when it wasn’t reciprocated. I often attempted to counteract this by lying to peers, saying I was a lesbian, just to avoid this. I even had an instance of harassment until having to spell out that I was not interested. He then moved on to harassing my friend. This made it difficult to make friends with men, penning me into a group with the other woman on the course (very lovely women might I add). When talking with others on different science courses, they all have had similar experiences with peers. Women in science are often only viewed as a potential mate, not as equal peers to collaborate on work with. I am on the physics course to learn and contribute to the discussion, not solely as a love interest.
Men are intimidated by intelligent women. I have seen this culminate itself in many ways. When dating a man, he entered my bedroom and proceeded to see a book on my bedside table. It happened to be Quantum Electro Dynamics by Richard Feynman, which I was reading at the time. He proceeded to turn it over and joke “let’s just pretend I didn’t see that”. Our relationship ended very soon after. He refused to even acknowledge a subject I was passionate about, as he had no knowledge on it himself. His masculinity was threatened. Just by seeing the book, he felt inferior and did not want to face the reality that I knew more than him. He would rather dismiss my intelligence, than face the fact that it was possibly greater than his own. I wish I had kicked him out then and there.
I have never looked like the stereotypical physicist. I used to have bright pink hair ‘often attending lectures in rainbow tops, colourful makeup and heels. Regularly people do not believe me, even cringing, when I say what I study. Physics is portrayed to be masculine and is heavily male dominated. By dressing in such a feminine way, people often do not associate me with being intelligent. They often assume I attend the less academic university in my city, basing this purely off my looks. These incidents are not only isolated to men. Women also see me in the same light, believing I cannot possibly be a physicist because I’m wearing a dress.They assume that I must be uneducated. I enjoy breaking this stereotype, and take great pride in confusing people by saying what I study. I enjoy that I don’t fit these stereotypes. I will continue to wear skirts and heels.
The misogyny and microaggressions detailed above are a systemic issue within the STEM community. As much as I enjoy going to talks about women in science, I know that these only speak to self aware individuals already pursuing the field. To work towards a more inclusive future, I believe young women need to see positive female role models in the sector. By engaging women at a young age and supporting them through their education, they will have the confidence to stand up against barriers they face. As often the only woman in a classroom I was intimidated to speak up against any issues I had. I believe young women deserve a place to turn to, a place to report such behaviours. When talking to young women in science, I’m left deflated knowing they too will face these same hurdles unless change is made.
